Note to Weather God

I am putting this message out into the ether to try an appease the weather god, Jim Cantore, or what every divine force that controls the weather

I get it you are angry at us. Between our dumping of toxic chemicals, deforestation, and flooding the air with CO2 we have totally mucked up the environment. I guess you are now trying to punish us by burying us in heavy wet snow that gives us a heart attack as we try to clear our driveways. And even when we do get out on the road we can't see over the 20 foot piles of snow so there is an accident waiting at every corner.

If the constant snow wasn't bad enough what is worst is that our thermometers have spent a lot more time below 20 degrees than above. I don't think colder than a witches teat is even a valid comparison any more.

I am tired of the cold and snow and am looking for an offering that I can give so that I can get out on the bike again. If you need me to sacrifice a virgin that may be tough since there aren't many in these parts. But I am a computer professional so as long as you don't need a virgin of super model quality I may be able to find a shy. slightly unkept, computer professional virgin who is female-ish.

 If you don't answer my plea's then I will have no choice but to take my case to the Flying Spaghetti Monster because we all know he is the one that really controls what goes on in this crazy world.